We don't belong here!

Tonight was a difficult night for me. We went over for a play date at Eva's and Aidan was consumed in playing in the dirt. Yes boys love dirt. Yet this was beyond the actions of a typical boy. He was consumed with the dirt and laying it on each leaf of the plant. This consuming activity drew him away from interacting with his cousin as well as playing with any other fun activities. I repeatedly tried my RDI tactics to pull him away from it with no success. Frustrated we went inside. I guess the tipping point of the night was after bath. He refused to let me put his jammies on. He would not stop trying to get me to turn the fan on and off, on and off, on and off. I lost it! Enough already! Why are these static actions consuming my son? Why does this take precedent over interacting with his mother, cousin, aunt, and family? Why? Why? Why? Yes I know why

Still, I look at my niece and long for Aidan to be like her. I wish she was my own child and then I have this overwhelming amount of guilt for feeling that way. I don't belong here. This is not how my life was meant to be. Then I realize Aidan doesn't belong here either. He is the one who is truly trapped! We have both been thrown into a world we don't belong in. The world of autism.