Huge Responsibility

As I was leaving the TAG office today with Aidan.......I turned my back on him for one second (to unlock the door he locked) and he went running up the stairs of the building to the 2nd floor. I screamed "stop" on the top of my lungs, but it did not stop him for a second. He went speeding towards the elevator with me running behind him as fast as I could......just as he pressed the button the elevator opens, he runs in, and I barely made it myself as the doors were closing!!!!! As we rode the elevator down to the first floor I told Aidan that it was dangerous that he ran from mommy and that I am very disappointed in him. No reaction on his behalf, he was more fixated on the elevator. On the drive home I started thinking about what could have happened if the building was multiple floors and how I could have lost him or he could have been kidnapped, or he could have hurt himself..etc., etc.,

I tried to overcome these feelings of anxiety, but then I got home and read a news article about a boy with autism who wandered off and drowned in a lake and whose body was found today. I immediately started crying, I really felt the magnitude of the responsibility of looking after a child with autism. As his mother it is my duty to keep him safe from all sources even himself. This is a huge responsibility. I can never underestimate Aidan and his skills! He can pretty much unlock a deadbolt and latch in 2 seconds. Even though Aidan is getting better each day, I still have that burden on my shoulders every moment of every hour of every minute of every second!

No wonder Dr. Jerry says parents of children with autism are under chronic stress!!!

Time for my adrenal boosters!

Live in the Joy Now!

I had a huge epiphany this week concerning Aidan's autism. I must admit it was a difficult week and I was feeling discouraged about Aidan's progress. So I decided to go to the TACA website, which often is where I go when I'm feeling down.

I like to read stories of other families whose children are doing better, and often times I try to see if there is something thats missing in what we are doing for Aidan.

Well, this latest TACA article was written about finding joy in your child right now, exactly as they are. It really hit me. Often times I am so consumed with getting Aidan "recovered" and I get so down when we take a step backward, that I forget to live in the joy that is now.

There are wonderful moments everyday with my boys and I don't want to miss them because I'm so focused on "what's next" in Aidan's treatment. I need to enjoy the moment now! There is so much pain on this journey but there is also joy. From now on I am going to try to focus on the joy! The joy of being Aidan and Liam's mommy. The joy of having a two amazing sons and one who is fighting like hell everyday to find his words. We are a warrior family, and part of that is recognizing that we can enjoy life and enjoy each other!

Road to Recovery

The road to recovery is full of many ups and downs. Many dark days and joyful days. Every moment I see Aidan do something new or say a new word is a victory on this journey. It is not for the faint of heart. I will admit there have been days when I ask myself "when is this nightmare going to be over?".

There are those who say "why don't you just accept him for who he is?".

But this is not who he is. He deserves better. He deserves to have a voice. To learn to dress himself. To learn to use the potty. To experience all the beautiful things life has to offer.

He is always accepted and loved for who he is, but part of loving my child is to help him get better.

This week was a good one for the autism community. The doctor involved in the MMR study that was such a controversy in 1998 was exonerated on all charges against him. It is wonderful to have justice served for a man who was called a "criminal" and a "fraud". Many other doctors have feared doing research on vaccines and autism for fear of attack. This is a shame because parents need answers. But for now, us parents continue on this journey thankful for this one victory.